The Truth About What Our Family Wants for Christmas

Having kids certainly changes everything. Even Christmas.

The glitter-filled snow globe of Christmas magic that had settled in your heart is now again shaken and awe-inspiring.  But even Christmas- the traditions, the way you spend it, who you spend it with, can be one of the many learning curves of parenting.  And 7 years into celebrating Christmas as parents, I think we are finally comfortable with the age old question: “What do you want for Christmas?”.

At least for this particular season of parenthood, here are our answers.

1. To Be Home for the Holidays

This is a tricky one. Can I tell you a secret? I HATE the phrase ‘home for the holidays.’  And I fully resent the car commercials that make it look so easy to do.  Yes, before kids making the 10 hour drive to be ‘home’ for the holidays wasn’t really a big deal.  But once you have kids, the meaning of the word ‘home’ changes.

Home to kids is the bed where your stuffed animals wait for their bedtime stories.  It’s where the Christmas tree that you spent an entire day picking out and decorating proudly stands.  It’s the return address on the ‘Letter to Santa’ “just so he’s sure where we live.”  And that home, OUR home, is where we want to be on Christmas morning.

You see, the magic of Christmas only lasts for so long.  We only have so many years where our children will ‘believe’ and wait with wide-eyed wonder.  And selfishly (or not), we want that Christmas morning picture on our steps. And to watch the kids round the corner to see if Santa came and ate our cookies.  We want to bottle up every. single. bit. of Christmas magic on our terms while it still exists.  So that someday, when our kiddos are brave enough to tell us that they want to be ‘home’ for the holidays, we will nod in understanding (and of course I’ll cry a little) but know that we made the most of the magic while it was ours to have.

2. For You to Remember That it is a Season

In case that last part tugged at your heartstrings, here’s an important piece I want you to remember: Christmas is not just a single day, it is a season.  To kids, maybe there is that one big moment.  But Christmas- the love, the joy, and true meaning, the spirit- it is a season that lasts as long as you want it to.  So of course we can still spend it together.

We can make our own traditions of a ‘Christmas’ together, despite what the calendar says.  Even if it’s after the New Year is here and all the decorations are down, we will dust off the wooden porch Christmas tree and slap it in the middle of the living room, light it up and do all things ‘Christmas’ with whoever is willing.  We did it once when family couldn’t make it down until the middle of January and I swear it was the most fun ever.

So let’s plan it.  And that leads me to #3…

3. Time Over Money, Always

This is a policy our little unit adopted a long time ago.  And we’ve applied it to all aspects of life- to job offers, to vacation possibilities, etc., and we’d love for you to consider it, too.  Especially when pondering the big question: “What do the kids want for Christmas?” *Que the sigh.*

I know what I’m supposed to do here.  The traditional rule I should take is to unroll my giant scroll that is the list of ‘stuff’ my kids want.  And of course they have things they ‘want,’ they are kids.  But after they name those 3 ‘things’ and then struggle to name more, even after I probe and pry, the exchange of giving and getting starts to lose its Christmas magic a little bit.  Because I know that in their little heart of hearts, what they really want isn’t stuff at all.

It’s you.

It is time, love, and attention . It’s an experience or a shared moment.

So what we’d really love for you do with that Christmas budget is put it toward gas money or a plane ticket and share an experience with them.  Take them to a show or a movie.  Give them money to put towards something they love, like gymnastics, and then come watch them do it.  Or show up with a can of worms and take them fishing. Turn the ‘I-miss-you-so-muches’ into ‘I’m-so-happy-to-be-here-with-you’.  And if that’s not possible, set up weekly Face Time lunch dates.  Or give them a book of stamps so they can mail you letters or those pictures they color for you.  And then send them a picture of it hanging on your refrigerator.

They won’t forget it.  And it won’t end up in the bottom of their toy bin, either.

4. A Break

Enough about the kids, what do mommy and daddy want?  I thought that’s what I heard you say.  We want a break.  And I don’t mean a week in Jamaica (although that would be perfectly acceptable), I mean like just the kind where we can finish a conversation anytime before 9:30pm.

I know this may sound a bit silly to anyone who has ‘help’ beating down their doors.  But without family around we try to be the cool aunt, the spoiling grandma, and the wise grandpa all in one day. And it is freaking. exhausting.

We love it. And of course we love them.  But I swear if the next time you were visiting you would just hand us a restaurant gift card and tell us you’ve got the kids covered for the evening, our jaws would hit the floor and for the rest of your life we would truly believe you walked on water.

So there you go.  You’ll never have to guess again.  That is the truth about what our family really wants for Christmas.