Motherhood.
Wow, what a rush, huh?! An endless cycle of need and want and guilt and never feeling like you’re enough.
Yesterday evening I found myself in the Emergency Department, tapping my toe waiting on the doctor who said “give me a few minutes,” to come back and sew up my middle daughter’s lip. (I always knew she would win the award for first child to need stitches). I am a Nurse. I know and understand “give me a few minutes.” But I also knew that I had a 6-year-old at home waiting on the door step for me to take him to the mother/son party he hadn’t stopped talking about all morning, and a baby in the stage of separation anxiety with only 3 ounces of breast-milk in the fridge.
Not enough. Not good enough.
And as the “few minutes” turned into 40, I could feel the guilt eating away at my empty stomach lining as I thought about how many times my son may have asked when mommy will be home and just how loud the baby is screaming. And oh wait! That air conditioner guy never showed up. How is it even possible to be enough?
Some days it’s not. No matter how hard we try.
The only thing we can be, is present.
Be present with the uber-brave 2-year-old as you explain what is about to happen even though her boo-boo already feels “all better.” Be present with the nursing baby who has missed you when you finally make it home to nurse her. And be present with the only 6-year-old at the mother/son party there with their Papa until mommy arrives from the ED, late and un-showered, of course.
Our kids are a gift and we should be present for them.
Our kiddos don’t know the million miles per hour our brains work or understand how hard it is to cook dinner with one hand while holding a baby and trying to follow a recipe and remember the words to their favorite song all at the same time. They don’t care that we have 6 unanswered text messages or that if I don’t just get this one load from the wash to the drier, no one will have clean underwear tomorrow. All they really care about is that we are present. To them that is enough.
But with the distractions of real life, of smart phones, of meal planning, of schedule juggling, and the to-do list that is more like a ‘someday when I have 2 hands to work with list,’ sometimes it even seems impossible to do that. To just be. present.
But good news, Mamas!
Sunday is our day. Sunday is Mother’s Day. So put down the laundry, the grocery list, and although Monday may suck because of it, that dirty dish, and be fully present for those that make this day a day for you. Take too many pictures and post them if you’d like. Our babies are our pride and joy, and joy is something to be shared. But once you’ve taken enough pictures and posted what brings you joy, put down that phone, too, and look up. Look up at your babies because next Mother’s Day, these babies will not look the same. These babies will be a whole year older. With different needs and wants. Take a video too. By next Mother’s Day, that scar on her lip will be healed and she probably won’t have that lisp. The 7-year-old may not want to hold his baby sister. And I’ll be wishing that baby needed me to rock her to sleep. Sunday, we have full permission and a damn good excuse to be present with a temporarily empty to-do list.
Take full advantage.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mamas! Enjoy your ‘presents!’
Cherish each moment with your children, because in a blink of an eye, they grow up, move away, don’t even need you anymore!
But on a day like Mother’s Day you can think back and never forget the special momoments, and sacrifices you gsve for your children! It is so worth it!
Yikes! This will hit a nerve with every mother! I’m writing this while entertaining my toddler. I can’t figure out HOW to be present and still get it done. So frustrating. But we’re trying.
Krissy, you are so right on with this post, and thank you for reminding us that we are ALL struggling with the balance of making it all happen and not ever wanting to say no to any single request by our precious little ones for our time and attention. It is anxiety-provoking to say the least. And it seems like any holiday or special occasion raises the stakes on the mom guilt game!! Must do more….special occasion…need to volunteer more at school. Need to cover vacations at work…need to pack for trips…do 6 loads of laundry…clean the house…change the linens for guests….But you are so right. Our children don’t know or care about ANY of that. All they care about is our full, present attention. And on Mother’s Day, the biggest gift is that we get to give it to them, say the heck with everything else, and NOT feel guilty or inadequate. Thank you for reminding me to give myself that permission on Sunday. Happy Mother’s Day to one of the most amazing moms I know (even if all your crazy creative, adorable, and over-the-top cute birthday parties give me mom guilt😘)
LOL to that last sentence! DO NOT LET THEM! Those crazy birthday parties are just my THING. They make me happy also, so really it’s a little selfish, ha! I constantly tell myself while I’m working my butt of for them, ‘I would be such a better mother if I just booked Chuckie Cheese and ordered a pizza’, ha!!
But thank you SO SO much for letting me know that you heard this message. Mom guilt and the struggle to be enough are the ugliest things about motherhood no one warned you about. I’m trying to make a habit when I get overwhelmed of pausing and prioritizing exactly who I’m trying to be ‘enough’ for.
I hope you had a great Mother’s Day Kate, you certainly deserve it!